she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
