you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
