Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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