you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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