Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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