Already got asked if we're dating
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
