Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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