You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
