no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
