i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
