Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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