my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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