All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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