Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
