So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
