Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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