Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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