That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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