At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
