wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
