That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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