He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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