so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
