tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
