If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize