1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
