Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
4 words: hood of his car
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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