meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
