So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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