spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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