I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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