I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize