and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
