Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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