He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
