I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
