Plan B is the new Plan A
She said her name was "party"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
