I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
