It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
