my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
