Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
