I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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