Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
