every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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