we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
