NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
