Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
