: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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