So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
