Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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