dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
