I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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