I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You need Xanax blowdarts
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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