She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
