I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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