I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize